Reason for my absence.

Hello lovelies, as many of you have seen, it’s been a while since I last posted, so with great sadness and a broken heart, I’d thought I’d let you know why.

My Dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer on the 24th of December 2015.

Some of you may know that a pancreatic cancer diagnosis is not good, the chance of survival is next to none, unless you are lucky enough to be a candidate for the Whipple operation but to get to that stage you must endure chemotherapy and radiotherapy and Hope that the tumour shrinks and doesn’t spread.

The chemotherapy started on the 18th of February 2016, my mum’s birthday!

My Dad went through this without complaint, then there was radiotherapy.

This continued up until the tumour had shrunk enough for my Dad to be a candidate for the Whipple operation.

This operation is one of the biggest operations to undertake, I won’t go into detail, all I will say is that the operation took 10 hours.

My dad wanted this operation as it was a life extension of hopefully 5 to 10 years, without it he wouldn’t have got a year.

My dad walked into the hospital on the 15th of August 2016 , their wedding anniversary.

The operation itself went well and he was doing good, apart from a fall in the hospital toilet, as he was left unaided!

2 weeks after the Whipple operation he took a massive bleed that resulted in another surgery and another surgery the following day, my dad then spent the next 3 and a half weeks in Intensive care 😒

We sat by his bedside day and night willing and praying and hoping that he’d pull through, and he did ❀

I thought our prayers had been answered, I was wrong πŸ™

I won’t go into to much detail but some of you may have seen my anger on twitter at the lack of care my dad received, we couldn’t have shouted any louder.

My dad was left unable to walk and brain-damaged 😒 he never made it home after the operation and sadly he passed away on the 24th of February with my mother and brother and myself by his side πŸ’”

We can hopefully lay him to rest next week as this was delayed due to the procurator fiscal being involved as none of the doctors would sign his death certificate.

We got a temporary cause of death from the procurator fiscal and can register his death tomorrow, but it’s pending investigation 😒 we won’t know the real cause of his death for 6 to 8 week’s.

The only thing that’s keeping me going just now is knowing that he isn’t suffering anymore.

My heart is breaking πŸ’”


  1. March 12, 2017 / 9:44 pm

    So very sorry to hear of the circumstances around your Dad’s death. How terrible for you and your family. No words,I know, can give you any real comfort, but I hope you will find some peace and be grateful for having a very special dad in your life. Sending love xxx

    • March 13, 2017 / 1:46 pm

      Thank you so much for the lovely words Gail ❀ xo

  2. March 12, 2017 / 11:44 pm

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I don’t know what to say other than I’m thinking of you and your family during this very difficult time. <3

    • March 13, 2017 / 1:46 pm

      Thank you so much lovely ❀ xo

  3. March 15, 2017 / 6:39 pm

    I am so sorry to hear the sad news. Nothing I say can give you comfort. I can however pray for you and your family to make this time a bit easier for you. I do know how hard it is to lose someone loved. I lost my dad in February 4 years ago. think of how brave he was and all the good times you had with him. Celebrate his life!

    • March 16, 2017 / 2:28 pm

      I’m so sorry for your loss ❀
      Thank you for your kind words xo

  4. March 15, 2017 / 7:29 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear. Thank you for sharing. I have worked as Pediatric Intensive Care nurse for years, so I’ve seen a lot in the hospital setting. I pray your family will find the peace you all need. Bless your heart. ❀️​

  5. March 16, 2017 / 12:46 pm

    So sorry for your loss and welcome back. Thank you for following BrewNSpew.

  6. March 17, 2017 / 12:07 am

    I am very sorry for your loss. My dad went through a similar thing. He did not survive either. It is a rough place to be in–anger and grief all wrapped up in one. Sending you happy thoughts!!

    • March 17, 2017 / 1:51 pm

      So sorry to hear about your dad ❀ thank you for the happy thoughts xo

  7. March 17, 2017 / 12:18 am

    So sorry to hear your loss! My heartfelt coundolescense to you and your family. As you said, he is no longer in pain anymore, in fact the exact opposite. Time will heal love, until then do not loose hope and live your life to the fullest. I’m sure he would want that anyway πŸ™‚ hugs and kisses coming my way ❀

    • March 17, 2017 / 1:52 pm

      Thank you so much lovely for the beautiful words ❀xo

  8. March 17, 2017 / 2:23 am

    I pray that time and the positive memories of your dad will overshadow his unfortunate early passing.

  9. theburningheart
    March 17, 2017 / 5:54 pm

    Sorry to hear the sad news not only about your Father passing, but with what he, you, and your loved ones had to go through, all that pain and suffering.
    Your sharing with us, make us wishing you and end to your pain, please accept my condolences, and best wishes, for you and loved ones.

    • March 18, 2017 / 3:27 pm

      Thank you so much for the kind words ❀

  10. March 20, 2017 / 4:59 am

    Such a heartbreaking post. I’m so sorry you and your family (and your dad too) had to go through all this uncertainty and pain, and for no gain in the end. I hope time will help to heal some of the wounds you all are suffering. It was a small comfort that you could be with your dad at the end. I hope that his funeral was a chance for you to celebrate his life.

    • March 20, 2017 / 10:41 pm

      Thank you so much, I hope so too ❀ I lay my dad to rest tomorrow and hopefully I can give him the send-off he deserves xo

      • March 21, 2017 / 3:09 am

        My thoughts will be with you and your family. The funeral for one of my dearest friends is today (21 March in Australia). She is another one taken too soon.

        • March 23, 2017 / 10:33 am

          I’m so sorry to hear that πŸ™ I hope everything went aswell as could be expected ❀

      • March 23, 2017 / 10:29 am

        I’m so sorry to hear that πŸ™ I hope everything went aswell as could be expected ❀

      • March 23, 2017 / 12:52 pm

        I hope your dad’s funeral was of comfort to you all.

  11. March 20, 2017 / 3:31 pm

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending you strength for the days ahead.

    • March 23, 2017 / 10:30 am

      I’m so sorry to hear that πŸ™ I hope everything went aswell as could be expected ❀

  12. Blushstopshere
    March 22, 2017 / 2:43 pm

    I lost my mom to Pancreatic Cancer six years ago. I miss her every day. I’ve read about your Dad and hope that you and your family find peace after such a difficult and painful time.

    • March 23, 2017 / 10:35 am

      Aw lovely I’m so sorry to hear that πŸ™ pancreatic cancer is such a cruel disease, taking out loved ones too soon 😒
      Thank you so much for the kind words ❀

  13. March 26, 2017 / 11:12 pm

    So sorry for your loss..Thoughts and prayers or you and your family!

  14. March 27, 2017 / 5:49 pm

    Sorry to hear,

  15. August 27, 2017 / 11:03 pm

    Sorry for your loss. My father had bladder cancer and went through the surgery okay we all thought. The heart monitor they had hooked him up to was faulty and as they unhooked the monitor they lost him haven big to shock his a total of 6 times to bring him back. By that time his body had begun to shut down and he stayed in ICU and hospital for 3 weeks waiting to expire. Very sad but it was a blessing that I was able to be at his side when he passed. It has been 15 years this year and I miss him but know that he is no longer suffering. πŸ™

    • August 28, 2017 / 12:19 pm

      Aw lovely ❀ I’m so sorry to hear that about your beloved father 😒 like you I was glad that I was by his side too ❀
      I’m still angry, still haven’t received the official death certificate as his death is going to a fatal accident inquiry 😒 It’s been very difficult trying to cope and not being able to grieve, does all sorts to my mental health! Like your dad, they are not suffering anymore and that’s what is keeping me going.. ❀ xo

      • August 28, 2017 / 8:20 pm

        It’s very hard to go through things like this. With time it does get easier to accept but it never leaves you. I was blessed to be at my mothers side as well when she expired and that was 7 years ago and very hard for me. I lost my sister only 29 days prior to cancer but was unable to be at her side because was caring for my mother. I pray things will becomes easier for you and you are allowed to grieve for the loss of your wonderful father.

        • August 29, 2017 / 1:10 pm

          Aw lovely, you have been through so much 😒 this life can be beautiful but very, very cruel! Big hugs ❀
          I never thought I would get personal but I think it’s important to share our stories, I’ve always said that you should be kind to everyone as you never know what someone has been through, going through! We are all good at putting a face on for other’s and sharing the good, pretty things in life, when in truth most of us are going through a difficult time.
          Big HUGS ❀ xo

  16. August 28, 2017 / 10:49 am

    I have no words, what happened must have come as such a shock and I am not surprised you’d be angry for the lack of decent care he received. I’m so, so sorry – I can only imagine how heartbreaking it must be. As you said though, he is no longer suffering, he’ll know how much you all loved him and that you were there for him. Sending hugs to you and your family.xx

    • August 28, 2017 / 12:13 pm

      Thank you so much lovely for taking the time to comment ❀ I’m still angry, very angry 😑 as my dad’s death is going to a fatal accident inquiry!
      It’s been very difficult. ❀

      • August 28, 2017 / 3:56 pm

        I am sure anyone would feel beyond angry in that situation. You just have to get through things as best you can, and not make yourself feel worse bottling up the anger, resentment, sadness. Reach out, vent, do whatever you need to do. Hugs xx

        • August 29, 2017 / 1:14 pm

          That’s very true lovely ❀ I’m taking it one day at a time. It’s hard trying to keep on top of these emotions!
          Thank you so much ❀ HUGS xo

  17. August 29, 2017 / 4:32 pm

    Hey, thanks for visiting my blog today. I thought I would take a peek at yours and came across this post. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in 2013 to thyroid cancer after 18 months of chemo, multiple surgeries, and a lot of hoping and praying, so I know what you’re going through. All the best. ❀

Leave a Reply